For a few years now, I've been changing. God has turned my life inside out, upside down, and generally wrecked it. And apparently, when I thought we were finished for a while, I was wrong. I've evolved, grown, sat down and cried and asked Him to stop, and the gotten back up and realized it is totally worth it.
In the last six years, I've learned how to keep a home (yes, I needed to learn this!), I've started homeschooling, I've begun to bake most of our bread and cook a lot of our food from scratch, and I've started to care about what kind of wife I am and seen the blessings of that in our marriage. Why? Not because of legalism, not because of some misguided desire to be the perfect homemaker (although I do struggle with perfectionism a lot!), and certainly not because it's popular (it's not; I get mocked by friends frequently enough to help keep me humble). I do think it's awesome for me to be a stay at home mom because that is what God created me to do. I do think it's awesome that I have a husband who loves us and provides for us, as he was created to do. But there is so much more to life. And none of this should define me.
And for a little bit, I was totally missing it. It really stinks to type it out in black and white and throw it out there for all the world to read, but I really missed the mark for a while. And I have to throw it out there, because most of the rest of my journey has been so it's only fair to share the complete picture (or at least the parts I have at this point; the story is still being written). I'm unapologetically human and I make mistakes, and I always will. Even though I strive for perfection, I never hit it.
In my single-minded focus to excel at the tasks God was putting before me, I missed His point and became very focused on what I was doing. It's all stuff I needed to do, but God was more concerned with who I was being and I didn't get that right off.
God wanted to teach me how to keep my home because it's best for my family to live in a home where laundry is done regularly and because cleanliness is kind of important. But it also creates a welcoming place to practice hospitality; how am I going to reach my neighbor if I constantly greet them at the door and never invite them in?
The whole bread baking, whole foods cooking deal? Again, turns out God is way smarter than I am. At least 2 out our 5 family members has the need for this type of diet because we are borderline diabetic. Not to mention, homeschooling has gotten easier as personalities, mood swings, and general health have become much improved. But the baking and the homemaker gig weren't the point; they were the tools God was using to help prepare us.
The whole good wife focus? Well, that was just long overdue. My husband had been a great husband from the start and it took a while for me to lay down my attitudes of entitlement and my false notion of "my rights" so that I could be his helpmeet and a partner instead of a brat.
So where does that leave us today? Some days it leaves us with a laundry pile that is bigger than it ought to be, bread bought from the store, and kids running helter skelter. Why? Because I've given up on perfection. But I'm learning more about being and it's great! I'm learning to be the woman God has called me to be.
And now that I've started to get my home in order, it's time to broaden my horizon. The Great Commissionwas all about going. It's time for me and my clan to do that. To go ... into our neighborhoods, into our cities, into our schools, into our workplaces, into our grocery stores. Just go and make a difference. Love them. Don't preach at them, don't convince them, love them. And let God do His work.
And that's not easy. But neither is it a great mystery. I was made in His image, created to do good works that He prepared beforehand. I was made to love my neighbors and to serve them. I was made not to do my best, but to bring His best to everyone I meet. I was called to lay down my need to be right and my desire to be liked by everyone I meet. I was called to lay down my dreams and hopes and plans and wants and trade them for the privilege of being a servant to everyone.
I totally missed it, but I'm starting to get it. Stay tuned for future ramblings of a woman learning to throw herself with abandon into God's grace ... and who is learning to be a funnel, pouring out His love and grace everywhere I can. I'm trying not to miss it any more!
In the last six years, I've learned how to keep a home (yes, I needed to learn this!), I've started homeschooling, I've begun to bake most of our bread and cook a lot of our food from scratch, and I've started to care about what kind of wife I am and seen the blessings of that in our marriage. Why? Not because of legalism, not because of some misguided desire to be the perfect homemaker (although I do struggle with perfectionism a lot!), and certainly not because it's popular (it's not; I get mocked by friends frequently enough to help keep me humble). I do think it's awesome for me to be a stay at home mom because that is what God created me to do. I do think it's awesome that I have a husband who loves us and provides for us, as he was created to do. But there is so much more to life. And none of this should define me.
And for a little bit, I was totally missing it. It really stinks to type it out in black and white and throw it out there for all the world to read, but I really missed the mark for a while. And I have to throw it out there, because most of the rest of my journey has been so it's only fair to share the complete picture (or at least the parts I have at this point; the story is still being written). I'm unapologetically human and I make mistakes, and I always will. Even though I strive for perfection, I never hit it.
In my single-minded focus to excel at the tasks God was putting before me, I missed His point and became very focused on what I was doing. It's all stuff I needed to do, but God was more concerned with who I was being and I didn't get that right off.
God wanted to teach me how to keep my home because it's best for my family to live in a home where laundry is done regularly and because cleanliness is kind of important. But it also creates a welcoming place to practice hospitality; how am I going to reach my neighbor if I constantly greet them at the door and never invite them in?
The whole bread baking, whole foods cooking deal? Again, turns out God is way smarter than I am. At least 2 out our 5 family members has the need for this type of diet because we are borderline diabetic. Not to mention, homeschooling has gotten easier as personalities, mood swings, and general health have become much improved. But the baking and the homemaker gig weren't the point; they were the tools God was using to help prepare us.
The whole good wife focus? Well, that was just long overdue. My husband had been a great husband from the start and it took a while for me to lay down my attitudes of entitlement and my false notion of "my rights" so that I could be his helpmeet and a partner instead of a brat.
So where does that leave us today? Some days it leaves us with a laundry pile that is bigger than it ought to be, bread bought from the store, and kids running helter skelter. Why? Because I've given up on perfection. But I'm learning more about being and it's great! I'm learning to be the woman God has called me to be.
And now that I've started to get my home in order, it's time to broaden my horizon. The Great Commissionwas all about going. It's time for me and my clan to do that. To go ... into our neighborhoods, into our cities, into our schools, into our workplaces, into our grocery stores. Just go and make a difference. Love them. Don't preach at them, don't convince them, love them. And let God do His work.
And that's not easy. But neither is it a great mystery. I was made in His image, created to do good works that He prepared beforehand. I was made to love my neighbors and to serve them. I was made not to do my best, but to bring His best to everyone I meet. I was called to lay down my need to be right and my desire to be liked by everyone I meet. I was called to lay down my dreams and hopes and plans and wants and trade them for the privilege of being a servant to everyone.
I totally missed it, but I'm starting to get it. Stay tuned for future ramblings of a woman learning to throw herself with abandon into God's grace ... and who is learning to be a funnel, pouring out His love and grace everywhere I can. I'm trying not to miss it any more!
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