I'm Free to Change

I am making yet another change in my life.  But I'm not really sure what it is going to look like.

I am a great planner; I love to make a list, check things off of it, and stare proudly at my accomplishments.  It makes me feel good to know my home is in order.  Conversely, when things don't go according to plan or chaos is reigning in our home, I feel very out of sorts.  Change used to scare me, but now I'm excited about our coming adventures.  Perfectionism is a plague, but planning is preparation for blessing.

I'm learning to trust God, the One who goes before and prepares a safe place for me, the One who leads me into the desert to speak tenderly to me there.  I am learning to take the next step, even when I'm not 100% sure of the destination.  God has spoken clearly to me about a change I must make in my life, but I don't know why and I don't know what it's going to look like.

But I trust Him.  He's never let me down.  He is unchanging.  He is stable and steady and sure.  He loves me and has my best interests at heart.  He has called me His own and has never abandoned me.  He sticks closely by me.  He delights in showering His blessings over me and equipping me with His grace.  He dances with me, sings over me, and flies a banner of love over my life.

Today was exciting for me, though.  God gave me a glimpse of the seasons of preparation I have gone though for this next change.  He revealed how He put people in my life to encourage and motivate me to be a wife and a mom.  He revealed how He gave me opportunities to put the right voices in my life and eliminate the wrong ones.  He reminded me how when I made the wrong choices, He lovingly showed them to me.  He showed me the people who are present now in my life ... and those who are not ... and revealed the critical importance of both.  He showed how as a family we had shed some of the unneeded clutter from our home, our priorities, and our time.

And you know ... I didn't plan any of those things.  But they were the best things for me when God did them!  Sometimes we have to stop and wait, sometimes we have to take what we consider a detour, sometimes He lets us stay on the path we originally mapped out.  Some things took me by surprise, but others did not.  However, I am learning that God is never surprised by any of these things.

My change is this: I am going to stop planning so much.  I am going to start listening to precious Holy Spirit and obeying each day, each step.  I've eliminated the influences of those who don't think this is a good way to live and added the support of those who do.  I've started to see the things that bog down my time and develop a distaste for them; they never fulfill my heart the way simple obedience to Him does.  I'm learning that I am free to change because God has liberated me from the entanglements of my old habits, relationships, and mindsets.

Are you free to change today?  Clean house -- physically and metaphorically -- and give God room to move you where you will bloom the brightest and strongest!  I can't wait to see where this leads.

A Wedding Invitation

Several of my favorite Scripture verses are found in the book of Revelation.  I cannot wait for the day when I will be waiting for HIM, the pure and spotless Bride of the Lamb (Rev 21:9).  The imagery of being a bride is stunning.

It means that we are making vows with Him.
It means that we will spend eternity with Him.
It means He is our protector and provider.
It means we are sealed as His.
It means we are desired by Him.
It means we will be intimate with Him.

One day -- SOON, my precious friends, SOON -- one day, we will LIVE the fulfillment of what John saw and heard:

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God."
(Revelation 21:3).


Are you ready?  Are you excited?  Are you preparing yourself as a bride for her wedding?  I am giddy with anticipation!



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Tornado, Tears, and Truth

I'm sitting in front of my computer, watching a storm's progress and crying.  All I can think of is the grace of God that protected my family during the April 27 tornado that swung through the southeast, destroying homes and taking lives.  It was devastating.  April's Fury, as some have tagged it, made eternity a very real prospect.

Out of the 300+ people who died on April 27, 

I wonder how many met God in a joyous union that day?

And how many did not.

Tonight, all I can do is pray.  Pray for those who have an appointment with eternity this very night, pray for those who will be spared, pray for those who will be shaking and begging God for mercy, pray for those who aren't smart enough to fear nature's wrath and take cover.

And I'm praying for me and for you.  For all of us to realize how real death is and how quickly it can come upon us.  For us to develop an urgency that we've never had before to spur us into a life we've not lived before.  It's time to unleash the fervency of heaven on the earth, to passionately pursue the lost.  I want to create a path in my wake of souls who love God that will be greater than the path of devastation left in the wake of April's Fury.  I want to know that no one who has come across my path has done so without being introduced to Jesus.  I'm not talking about inviting them to church; I'm talking about introducing them to the One who died for them and the Only One who can save them!  It's time to get real, to get personal, and to walk boldly.

This is too close to home for me ... I can't stay the same.





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Wishing Moments

I've had a lot of ups and downs in the past week or so.  My kids and I have had several ... um ... well, let's call them adventures.  A few have been really fun, some very enlightening, and others just exhausting for me as a mom.  I've had to fight for my joy a few times.

Awesome Hubby had to work all seven days this past week, and I really am honored to have a husband who tirelessly provides for us by working outside of the home -- and then walks in the front door, no matter how many hours he's been gone, and jumps into being a husband and a father with both feet.  I've never heard him say, "I'm too tired" or "Give me a little while" or "Not tonight; Daddy will play with you another time."  He always chooses us.

And yet, I've found myself wanting to say some of those things to my kids.  Actually, in the spirit of honesty, I'll admit that I have said some of them this past week.  That's not my normal style as a mom, but this week I've been pretty exhausted and I've had a hard time finding my mojo as a mom.  You know what I mean, right?  C'mon, you've had those moments (days, weeks, whatever!), too, haven't you?

And yet, all it took was some godly counsel from another woman to shift things back into alignment.  She reminded me that my whole focus should be on God and the things He has laid before me.  It was time to pull into my home and pour into my children.  So I cut a few activities out.  I changed a few plans.  I overhauled my heart.  And I took my kids up on their invitations to play.  I spent an entire day intentionally focusing on them and what they would enjoy.  I let the laundry wait, the dishes sit, and the dust rag rest.

It was wonderful.  I'm going to be a little more productive in my role as housewife today, but I'm still going to take the time out for those Wishing Moments.  A wishing moment is one of those beautiful moments you find yourself in and think "I wish I could freeze this moment" or "I wish I didn't have to leave her" or the moment you think of when you wish you were somewhere else.  I find that when I pour into my kids lives, not just training them up but intentionally delighting in them, life is chock full of Wishing Moments.  The picture I took of my daughter making her dandelion wish is one I'm hanging on my fridge, I think, to remind me.  I hope your day is filled with wishing moments!

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Failure: Defined and Debunked

I've wanted to write a blog post for a while now covering a topic that I'm not altogether equipped to cover.  So I've bounced back and forth about writing it.  One part of me was voting "yay" and the other "nay."  Finally, the "yay" side won and I'm sharing that post here with you.

Here's the disclaimer: THE AUTHOR OF THIS POST IS NO WAY PERFECT, NOR DOES SHE CLAIM TO BE.  ALL THOUGHTS SHARED ARE PERSONAL OPINIONS AND LESSONS.  WHAT WORKS FOR ONE IS NOT GOING TO UNIVERSALLY WORK FOR ALL.  FEEL FREE TO BE BLESSED, TO CLICK TO A NEW BLOG IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, OR TO PASS THIS ON.  

There have been many days in my 7+ years as a mom that I've felt like a total failure.  I've been inadequate, less than able, and certainly less than exceptional.  And it crossed by mind that if I felt that way, there are probably at least one or two other moms out there that might have been believing that same lie.

If that's not you, there is no need to keep reading.  If you've been there, if you ARE there, I hope you'll stick around.

The dictionary defines FAIL in the following ways:

• to be or become deficient or lacking; be insufficient or absent
• to be unsuccessful in the performance or completion of

The root of the word fail is the Latin fallere which means to disappoint or to deceive.

When I read these definitions, God began to shed light on the lies that were allowing me to believe I was a failure.  He offered hope to my broken spirit and began to restore the cracks in my heart.  There is truly nothing more devastating to a mom than thinking she has failed one of her children.  Whenever we begin to believe a lie, there is only ONE WAY to pull ourselves free from the tentacles of deception and that is with the Word of God.  Luke 1:37 says, "For no word from God will ever fail."

Psalm 73:26 is one of my favorite reminders as a mom.  "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."  1 Corinthians 13:8 reveals the truth that "Love never fails..."

I am learning that sometimes I may fail, but God {who dwells in me} never does.  I am an imperfect vessel, but I serve a perfect God.  God is Love and love never fails.  And it is that love that allows me to not be a failure as a parent, but rather to do my best and see HIS best as the fruit.  You see, He loves your children more than you do; He loves my children more than I do.  And it is because of that great love that He equips us through His grace to complete the awesome, great, wondrous life's work called parenthood. 

Through His grace, I am neither insufficient nor lacking.  I am running the race set before me patient endurance and I will run it through to completion.  I am here with my children, refusing to be an absentee parent.  I am speaking truth over their lives through the Word of God.

If I am doing these things, I cannot meet the definition of failure.  

Five Years Ago Today

Lil Man turns 5 today.  I really can't believe it.  Five years ago today I woke up on a Tuesday morning, ready to start the day.  I got our Princess dressed, fed, and ready to go to pre-school.  I chatted with my mom who had come to stay with us for the end of my pregnancy and the start of our adventure as a family of four.  I waited for hubby to get home from his job (back then he was working third shift).

And all of the sudden I didn't think I could drive a car.  Those Braxton-Hicks were getting very annoying and I was losing my breath.  Poor hubby asked if he could maybe grab a nap before we headed to the hospital, remembering the twenty-seven hours he was at my bedside the last time we had a baby joining us.  I said, NO.

He took the Princess to school and I got into the bath tub, trying to get comfortable.  By the time he got back from dropping her off, I knew it was time to head into the doctor's office.  An hour later, Lil Man arrived.  All 7 lbs 4 oz of handsome boy!

My life changed yet again in that instant.  Up to that point, I had seriously doubted my ability to love another baby as much as I loved our daughter.  I just didn't understand how I could be expected to divide up the love in my heart, to take some from her to give to him.  But the second I heard him, it wasn't an issue.  By the time I held him, my heart was overflowing with love for him and I knew there would be no shortage.

Five years later, I have three children and I love them all.  It's the miraculous mystery of motherhood.  I am so honored to be Lil Man's momma.  His heart is as wide as the ocean and his smile rivals the sun for brightening up one's day.  His laugh can make the saddest heart smile and his hugs heal a multitude of hurts.  He is bright, loving, strong, stubborn, courageous, generous, creative, and full of faith.  He is brutally honest but intensely compassionate.  He is a force of nature one minute and a snuggly bundle the next.  He's our Fiery One.

And I look at him and see the future.  He is going to change his generation.  I look at him and see love.  He is going to love the nations.  I look at him and see truth.  He is going to proclaim it loudly!

Some days (yesterday, for instance) I question my ability to be the parent he needs.  His stubborn, tenacious side manifested in a not-so-attractive way and although I did exactly what all the parenting books would tell me to do, I still felt inadequate.  I reminded myself that God chose to give him to us, but it still didn't help.  Then, at church, God spoke so clearly to me through one of HIS children.  A precious, beautiful, wise mom shared with me some inspiration about him that I am going to pass on in case it can also encourage you.

She told me to thank God that I was seeing this side of him at age 4, to thank God that I know what this is like (he is really just giving me a taste of what my mom went through!) and that I know how to handle it, to thank God that HE is giving me this opportunity to train Lil Man now and not as a teen.  I'll be honest, I am thankful for many things about being a mom, but until this morning that had not been one of them.  As I drove home from church, I thanked God.  And as I thanked Him, God began to give my heart glimpses of what HE could so with such strength of will and such a determined spirit.

Five years ago I labored to bring him into this world.  And today -- well today, I will labor in prayer to bring him into the destiny and calling God has laid out for him!

Where Does the Time Go?

I was thinking today of how quickly the time goes.  I have a list of things I want to accomplish in a day, but the time seems to get away from me and they don't all happen.  We're on track to get out of the house on time (and maybe even have a few minutes to spare!) when all of the sudden one thing goes wrong and we're running late.  I go to bed, ready for a nice long night of sleep and all of the sudden the alarm is going off.  Where does the time go?

A while back I wrote a post sharing what I'd learned about time from another blogger.  The Three Value Statements I shared in that post still challenge me today and are a great barometer for my time usage.  It's helped a lot.  I've also learned that I yearn for a simple life because simplicity makes room for the things that really matter.  It allows you to be who you were meant to be without distraction, which in turn allows you to do all you want to do without hindrance.


But if my time disappears that quickly when it comes to accomplishing tasks around the house, it also disappears quickly when I look at my children.  It seems like only last year that I was eagerly anticipating the birth of our first child and last month that we were walking around our neighborhood holding hands as she chattered in her little girl voice.  And today, well today she is a seven year old young lady with poise and a brilliant vocabulary and dreams and independent thoughts.  Today she wore a beautiful dress, had her hair up, and put on special dangly earrings and I got a glimpse of what next week might look like when she dresses for prom.  Because really does fly by that quickly.


And the scary part about that?  I can never get a single moment back.  So for each moment I waste, I sacrifice an opportunity.  I'm not at all saying you shouldn't sit, relax, enjoy.  But I am saying that time spent that way should be savored and intentionally spent.  Time shouldn't be thrown away because we get sidetracked on the computer or because we are feeling lazy.  Every day is a gift, an opportunity, a chance. 


To not waste the moments of their childhood, I will invest in them.  I will consciously disciple them, take them up on their precious invitations, and know that I'm making every minute count.  I want my kids to look back and remember not all of the amazing things I did for them, but to smile fondly over the things I did with them.  Mother's Day is this Sunday and my kids and I are going to spend the day together.  We'll go to church together, have lunch together, play and snuggle together, and then have dinner together.  I will celebrate being their mother, and in my heart I will be renewing my vow to be the best mother I can be and to not waste any more precious moments from their childhood.


These thoughts were inspired by my participation in the 31 Days to Clean Challenge

Putting It To Work: Fighting for my JOY

I just had a looooooooooong and challenging day (often these are the days I refer to as fabulous, trying to call that which is most definitely not as though it might possibly become).  You know the kind I mean, right?  One of those days that starts out well, you get a lot accomplished, and then all of a sudden life gets derailed.  You might not be able to pin point exactly how it happens, but you can definitely see it all spinning out of your control.  That was my Tuesday.


And the irony of it all is that I have been meditating on joy, studying joy, trying to institute joy.  And I had to FIGHT for every single ounce of joy I could wring from the day.


We got up and got started with no hiccups at all.  We had lunch and it started to get a little dicey with the sibling dynamic at that point, but I held out hope that if I persevered we could skirt any major incidents.  Then we hit the grocery store and it was just a tad bit harrier than I would have liked.  Apparently Lil Bit was unimpressed as well because he decided to give all of Walmart a demonstration of the impressive strength of his vocal chords.  By the time we made it home, I was wiped.  Physically, mentally, even emotionally.


My kids looked at me eagerly and asked if we could read a story and I snapped, "NO."  And their little smiles fell and their shoulders slumped.  And I realized that my lack of joy was translating out of my heart and into theirs.  I was NOT okay with that.


So I told them Mommy was sorry for being a grouch and that I was going to control my emotions and choose to be joyful.  I also told them I was having a hard time doing that because I hadn't spent any quiet time with God yet and that always makes it harder for me to put my trust in Him enough to be joyful in all things.  We turned on the worship music they keep in the CD player in their room and had some God time.  It was awesome!  I held Lil Bit and danced, the Princess literally fell on her little 7 year old face and cried out to God, and Lil Man sat with his back against his dresser and just shared with God what was on his heart.


All of the sudden, the world seemed a little less overwhelming and the joy seemed a little easier to hold onto.  It is awesome to me how time spent in God's presence changes everything else.  And just as I was about to tell them it was time to hop into bed for their afternoon rest, Lil Man began to pray out loud: 


‎"Dear God, thank you that YOU are the God who lives forever and never dies. Well, except for that time on the cross when you died, but thanks for that, too. I'm glad you're alive now. Thank You. Amen."


After that, who could help but smile?  I mean, really.  


I shared this with you to encourage you.  It's not all about being a perfect parent, nor is it about always getting it right.  It's rarely easy and never without effort.  But it is about being real and discipling our kids, teaching them by our example how to live.




By the way, after all of this, the power went out, my cell phone battery died, I lost the computer work I had been doing, and a few other things went "off."  But by that time I had my joy firmly grasped and it wasn't that big of a deal.  God provided everything we needed!  He always does. 

As A Mom...

As a mom, I struggle.

As a mom, I delight.

As a mom, I cry.

As a mom, I laugh.

I hug, I kiss, I worry, I trust, I watch and wonder.

Motherhood is fun, scary, awesome, challenging, rewarding, 

loving, overwhelming, amazing, and so much more.

But above all it is 2 things:

Stewardship

and

Discipleship

First and foremost, I have come to understand that I have been entrusted with three precious lives.  I was allowed to carry them in my womb, empowered to beautifully deliver them, and equipped to train them up.  Not because I chose them, but because God chose me.  It is a life long commission and it is not for the faith of heart {I encourage you to read THIS POST, too}.  That is why I must take extra special care of these three blessings.  

I must love them, nurture them, train them, equip them, and eventually send them out into the world.  I must be a FAITHFUL STEWARD over their lives, investing in them on behalf of Almighty God.  But above all, my most vital duty as a mother is to introduce them to their Maker, the Lover of their Souls, the One who will Diligently Pursue them, the Relentless Lover who craves intimacy with them, the Father whose Great Love is truly Unconditional.   

That is where DISCIPLESHIP comes in.  The relationship between the teacher and the one he disciples is intensely personal, vitally intimate, and incredibly influential.  The teacher trains the one under him in such a way that not only are knowledge and wisdom imparted, but the character, belief systems, values, and vision of the teacher are instilled in the one being discipled.  What a critical relationship!  I don't know about you, but I am humbled by the fact that God trusts me to have this relationship with the three little people I have given birth to.  It is often easy to love them and fun to delight in them.  But disciple them?  Wow.  Wow.  Wow.

I must speak words of affirming life over them, over their futures.  I must love them with the heart and passion of God.  I must respond to their invitations to play with the same excitement my children have when they extend them to me.  I must listen to them, hold them, make them my priority every day.  I must disciple them.

I have a college degree, have been through three different "seminary" programs, have climbed corporate ladders, have started my own business, and have potential to do so much more out in the world.  And yet NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THESE THINGS has prepared me for the magnitude of motherhood.  Nor is a single one of these things worth even a small percentage of the gift and honor of being a mom.  Motherhood is not a waste of this potential, but rather the utilizing of every single ability and gift that God has instilled in me and the investment into the most important of things: life and eternity.

How do you disciple your children?  Well, the answer to that question is far too involved for a single blog post, but we can at least get the ball rolling this morning.  

We start by being with them.  When a young Jewish boy was sent to be discipled by a Rabbi (priest who would teach him), he spent every day at his side.  He watched him work, listened to him teach, helped him in his daily tasks.  When John the Baptist's disciples learned form him, they followed him around the wilderness and absorbed his passion and his vision.  When Jesus discipled the Twelve, they left their homes and families to be completely available to Him.  And the Rabbi, John, and Jesus - they weren't just figures to be followed.  Oh, no.  They were men who in turn reciprocated that effort and trust.  They made themselves available, poured out their hearts and thoughts and time, selflessly allowed themselves to be the one who allayed fears, built confidence, and offered provision in the time of need.  As mothers, we must ask ourselves: Am I a safe haven for my children?  Are they confident that when they approach me, my heart and attention will be turned toward them (or is it divided by my phone conversations, TV shows, homemaking efforts, or career?)?  Do I not only meet their physical needs, but their emotional needs?

We continue our path as one who disciples by building relationships with them.  That might seem like an obvious by-product of the first part, but it's not.  It's totally possible to spend time with someone and have nothing more than a shallow acquaintance with them.  That's not enough.  We need to be mothers of relationship.  I can't tell you what that will look like for you, but I can share what it has looked like for me.  It has meant listening to how my children think about the world.  It has meant playing make believe with them and getting to know these creative, intelligent, remarkably unique little people for who they are and not who I might expect them to be.  It was has meant holding them, singing to them, reading with them, working alongside of them, and day dreaming with them.  It has meant sharing my heart with them, and inviting them to be a part of my quiet times with God.  It has meant praying with them - for them, over them, and listening to their prayers.  It has meant stopping my busy schedule of 'important things' to sow into the 'most important thing' that is in my life: my family.  It has meant going on dates with them.  It has meant letting them help me cook and clean and teaching them about running our home (even when it would be faster to have them go play so I can do it my way).  It means giving of myself, even when all I want is quiet time.

Next, we disciple our children by osmosis.  When we are available to them and have relationship with them, it is inevitable that they will begin to absorb our character as part of their own developing nature.  So first I must make sure I am right with God.  Then I must share with them who I am.  I must be real, transparent, truthful.  They must see not my perfect handling of every situation, but rather the faith that helps me get back up when I fall and the peace that defies understanding keeping me steady in a stressful situation.  Sometimes it means revealing to them how very human I am, repenting before them, and sharing with them how God is helping me grow.  It's not erasing every terrible thing that life sends our way, but rather demonstrating how to handle each situation with trust and grace.  I can't create a paradise bubble for them to live in, but I can emit peace and love and joy in our home and they can be surrounded by these things in spite of the situations our family might be in.

Mothers, there is so much more.  This is only a small beginning.  But I hope that it has stirred within you a passion to disciple your precious treasures.  As I move forward on this exciting and often daunting journey of motherhood, I will continue to share my heart.  And I invite you to share yours with me!  Leave a comment, or ask a question.  I'll be praying for each one of you who reads this, that your children bear the fruit of a beautiful relationship with their mother!

This past week, the state of Alabama (and much of the southeast) saw a horrific change of scenery as a storm unleashed its fury on our land.  A mile wide and tearing across multiple counties, this tornado leveled entire neighborhoods in some places as others were spared.  The damage covered more than 50% of the state of Alabama and the death toll continued to rise for days afterward, eventually making us realize the scope of the devastation left in its wake.  This is now the deadliest storm in Alabama history.

Wednesday evening I sat in our hallway {our safe place} after stripping it of wall-hung photos and the bookshelf that stood at its end.  We pulled a twin sized mattress in there with us in case we needed to take shelter under it. We had a laptop to watch James Spann's live coverage as long as the power held out, a radio with batteries just in case, bottled water, and some snacks.  My seven year old cried, and told me she knew if one of us died we'd go to heaven, but she only wanted that to happen if we could all go together.  What do you even say to that?  So we held on to each other.  I reached out to friends across the country and asked for their prayers.

The previous night a small storm system had moved through and many in our area, as close as a mile away, were without power and had branches down.  We had no damage from that storm, but around 9:45 in the morning I felt like God prompted me to move our minivan.  I put it on my "to do" list because I was holding the baby and worried about getting a few other things taken care of.  I felt God nudge me again, so when our friend stopped by I asked him to move the van for me.  At 10:30, not an hour and a half later, an 8 ft long branch that had been weakened during the night came crashing down right where we park our van.  It sounded like a gunshot and I ran outside to see what had happened.  And thanked God for His provision.

As I sat in my hallway with my three precious babies, my husband and best friend, I was scared.  I reminded myself that the God who calmed the wind and the waves dwelled in my heart promised to always be with us.  I reminded myself that we have authority as believers to speak out in faith.  And I prayed.  I prayed for the safety of our state, our neighborhood, our friends.  I prayed for my family.  I begged God to protect us.  At one point a boldness came over me and I declared our home to be a safe place by the mercy of God.

And we heard the air shift, felt the change, saw the light.  And waited.  My best friend was keeping the kids engaged in a game of make believe, so they were blissfully unaware as the storm moved closer.  And then my cell phone beeped and I had a message: "Lisa, don't be afraid. C and I are praying for you right now and we are telling the storm to go around your neighborhood and declaring that not a single twig on your property will be moved."  So my faith was renewed -- I mean, hello, timing on that, wow!!!  And it did.

We went out the next morning and stood amazed.  No branches down (and we have some flimsy trees that drop branches nearly every single thunderstorm).  The patio cushions I had laid out on the table were still sitting there.  My seedlings were undamaged.  The toys we had not put away still sat in their exact spot.  The bowl that we fill with water for our dogs when they go outside was in its spot.  I was amazed!

I do not know why some were spared and others not.  I am struggling with guilt for being so blessed when others were not.  But I do know that with great grace and provision comes great responsibility.  We are doing what we can as a family and a household to meet the needs of those around us.  But I must give God His glory for this blessing on our home, too!