All of my life I have wanted to please people. I strove to do well in school, to over achieve in extra curricular activities, and to be the best in everything I put my hand to. Even when I was "perfect" at all of it, I didn't really care that much. I still didn't like me. But I needed the praise of those in my life to feel okay.
When I got older, that didn't change. My need for approval, that is. However, I learned the important lesson that it's impossible to please everyone. Every time I had to make a choice and someone was happy and someone was disappointed in it, I felt myself torn between the two reactions. I was happy that I had the approval of one person and devastated that I did not have approval of another.
This was an unhealthy way to go through life.
It was not until two or three years into my marriage that God used a group of precious women to speak truth into my life. GOD'S APPROVAL WAS IMPORTANT; MAN'S APPROVAL WAS IRRELEVANT. This is not to say that it is okay to go through life with a careless disregard for people, but rather that our focus needs to be God-centered and not man-centered.
I also learned that I HAD TO LOVE ME. As long as I didn't like myself I would never be happy in life. But liking myself seemed impossible in the light of my glaring imperfection. However, God never told me to like myself. Loving myself was a different story. That is actually talked about: We are to love one another as God loves us ... but also to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Hmmm.
I was created in the image of God. He gave His only Son to die on my behalf, so that I would not have to live separated from Him. He created me intentionally and declared It is Good. I am His handiwork and He delights in me.
And even though it's not a commandment, I have learned that God wans me to like me, too.
By not liking myself, I was telling God that I disliked one of His cherished creations. I was telling Him, the Creator of the world, the I AM, the One True God, that I found fault with what He did. By not forgiving myself for my imperfections, I was telling Him that His atoning work was irrelevant and worthless. How arrogant of me! I had to reach a place of humble (at times humiliating) honesty and dump all my sin -the things in me that were/are so distasteful and abhorrent- at the foot of the Cross and walk away clothed in grace.
It was almost like God would give me a huge, beautiful, lavish bouquet of roses and I would see how little I deserved them so instead of focusing on their beauty I would examine the thorns and allow myself to be pricked by them. It seems silly, but that what we do when we ignore the truth of God about ourselves and instead believe the lies of the enemy.
For a practicing perfectionist, it is a HUGE challenge. I had to realize there is nothing good in me. Nothing worth redeeming in me. God didn't sacrifice Jesus for me because of my own merit; He did it in spite of me. I have been saved by faith in God alone. I had nothing to do with the amazing work of forgiveness and grace that has restored me to the Beloved.
When we hear the wrong voice and entertain its lies, it derails us. Satan is not God's enemy; he is the accuser of those who love God. He is man's mortal enemy; he attacks us with every weapon in his arsenal. When we listen to the lies that he spews and look at the garbage he strews in our paths, it shifts our focus from God to the challenging things around us. When we look at the problem or challenge, it looks bigger than it needs to. However, when we look at God, the rest of life becomes dwarfed by His greatness.
This week I allowed my focus to shift and began to wonder what I could do to fix things. I literally stumbled over my past mindset of perfectionism and self-loathing. But I refused to stay there. I had to listen to the the TRUTH of God's Words, the love letter He has written to each one of us, and not believe the lies that an unloving, vindictive, petty, defeated enemy is trying to speak into my life.
I hope today you will examine the words you've been listening to. The ones others have spoken over you, the ones you have whispered in your own mind, the ones that society as a whole has been influencing you with. Hold them up to the standard of truth. Hold them up to the Love Letter God has given you. And readjust what you let in, if need be.
When I got older, that didn't change. My need for approval, that is. However, I learned the important lesson that it's impossible to please everyone. Every time I had to make a choice and someone was happy and someone was disappointed in it, I felt myself torn between the two reactions. I was happy that I had the approval of one person and devastated that I did not have approval of another.
This was an unhealthy way to go through life.
I also learned that I HAD TO LOVE ME. As long as I didn't like myself I would never be happy in life. But liking myself seemed impossible in the light of my glaring imperfection. However, God never told me to like myself. Loving myself was a different story. That is actually talked about: We are to love one another as God loves us ... but also to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Hmmm.
I was created in the image of God. He gave His only Son to die on my behalf, so that I would not have to live separated from Him. He created me intentionally and declared It is Good. I am His handiwork and He delights in me.
And even though it's not a commandment, I have learned that God wans me to like me, too.
By not liking myself, I was telling God that I disliked one of His cherished creations. I was telling Him, the Creator of the world, the I AM, the One True God, that I found fault with what He did. By not forgiving myself for my imperfections, I was telling Him that His atoning work was irrelevant and worthless. How arrogant of me! I had to reach a place of humble (at times humiliating) honesty and dump all my sin -the things in me that were/are so distasteful and abhorrent- at the foot of the Cross and walk away clothed in grace.
It was almost like God would give me a huge, beautiful, lavish bouquet of roses and I would see how little I deserved them so instead of focusing on their beauty I would examine the thorns and allow myself to be pricked by them. It seems silly, but that what we do when we ignore the truth of God about ourselves and instead believe the lies of the enemy.
For a practicing perfectionist, it is a HUGE challenge. I had to realize there is nothing good in me. Nothing worth redeeming in me. God didn't sacrifice Jesus for me because of my own merit; He did it in spite of me. I have been saved by faith in God alone. I had nothing to do with the amazing work of forgiveness and grace that has restored me to the Beloved.
When we hear the wrong voice and entertain its lies, it derails us. Satan is not God's enemy; he is the accuser of those who love God. He is man's mortal enemy; he attacks us with every weapon in his arsenal. When we listen to the lies that he spews and look at the garbage he strews in our paths, it shifts our focus from God to the challenging things around us. When we look at the problem or challenge, it looks bigger than it needs to. However, when we look at God, the rest of life becomes dwarfed by His greatness.
This week I allowed my focus to shift and began to wonder what I could do to fix things. I literally stumbled over my past mindset of perfectionism and self-loathing. But I refused to stay there. I had to listen to the the TRUTH of God's Words, the love letter He has written to each one of us, and not believe the lies that an unloving, vindictive, petty, defeated enemy is trying to speak into my life.
I hope today you will examine the words you've been listening to. The ones others have spoken over you, the ones you have whispered in your own mind, the ones that society as a whole has been influencing you with. Hold them up to the standard of truth. Hold them up to the Love Letter God has given you. And readjust what you let in, if need be.
