This week I was told by someone very dear to me that I excelled at something: robbing people. Robbing people of their blessings, to be more specific. How? Because I was always willing to be the "mom" who gave, but never the woman who graciously received.
I would give out of my abundance easily he noted, but he pointed out that I would still give out of my lack. I'm not sure how true that is because I really do struggle with having a lifestyle of contentedness when we struggle to have enough in our home. However, it's been pointed out to me that as mothers we give and give to our children, to our home, into our husbands. Very often, this giving is out of our lack ... and that's true, because sometimes I give patience when I feel like I don't have any left - I give hugs and love when I feel unlovable - I give understanding when I really don't understand how someone could do or say what they did - I give encouragement when I am discouraged - and I try my best to bring joy even on the days when I have none.
Does this make me selfless? Humble? Super-Christian? After much reflection, I have to say it's similar to those righteous works compared to filthy rags. I give those things because I love my family. I give them because God has called me to. It's simple obedience. I need to cultivate an attitude of joy and service, I think, a bit more than I have. However, just as God has called me to pour out, so has He called all of His children to pour out of their lives and into the lives of others. This means, in an ideal world, that everyone is pouring out ... and everyone is receiving something that has been poured out by someone else!
God blesses us because He loves us. He gives out His magnificant abundance and funnels it into our meager existence. He doesn't love on us because we're lovable. He doesn't bless us because we are worthy. He does it because it is in His nature to do so; the character of God demands selfless action. We, too, need to love this way.
But people like me make it difficult. When other brothers and sisters in Christ try to walk in obedience and bless my life, I stumble around a reason they shouldn't. Receiving gifts from others, especially those closest to me, is very difficult for me. This should not be so. So why is it?
After more reflection, I think it's because I don't like how it makes me feel. Selfish reasoning, huh? I do feel loved and kind of honored when someone offers encouragement or a compliment. But any tangible gift makes me feel inadequate and somewhat beholden. I hate to think of what it might be costing someone to give to me. It makes me nervous to think of what I might have to reciprocate to seem grateful. But mostly, it makes me feel unworthy because I know how hard it is for me to give in a tangible way and it challenges me.
This week, I want to examine my heart carefully. I want to search my innermost soul. And somewhere on my scavenger hunt, I hope to find a gracious spirit that not only desires to lavishly bless others, but can with sincerity and fullness of joy receive the lavish blessings of God - even when they are delivered through the hands of men and women. I challenge you to think abou it: do you give graciously? Do you receive graciously? Do you rob others of the blessing of giving to you? How can you give more? And how can you receive more?
Hold On ... To the Right One
Last night, my friend helped me clean out my kids' toys and books. Their rooms were over run with things they just don't play with any more, but for some reason, I had a hard time choosing what to toss. They toys were kind of easy: anything broken, or not age appropriate, or things they just don't really find interest in any more. But the books, now those were a challenge to weed through! Why? Because I love books. Words on a page are simply fascinating to me! I love stories, poems, and knowledge in all of its many forms. I want my children to embrace that same love for the written word.
Then I had a thought: What am I teaching my children? When we hoard anything -be it books, toys, food, money, or ourselves- we are not living life the way it was intended by God that we should. God never cared about how much a person had, but He was concerned with how much they gave. It's great for my kids to have toys and books, but by accumulating masses of each, I was simply teaching them the art of overindulgence.
Our society has sadly embraced the concept that more is almost enough, and less is just pathetic. However, the old adage "less is more" should really make a comeback. After I finished in their rooms, I went to my own bookshelves and began to clear them out. I saved my reference books and books pertinent to my education and chosen field, as well as those that my husband enjoys or that I have yet to read. I also saved the fiction the I love to read over and over. The rest? Those are on their way to new homes and new people who can enjoy them. I've done this in most every room in my house in the last year, and gotten rid of so many things that I am nearly embarrassed to think about it. But it's an ongoing process because life is an ongoing process.
Part of living abundantly is understanding that the abundant life has an abundant absence of clutter. Part of living with abandon is knowing how to abandon the things that are broken, no longer needed, or just not pertinent to where God wants me. It's time to clean out more than the shelves and toy bins; it's time to clear out the memories of the past that are clung to with bittersweet nostalgia, the emotions of hurt and anger and pride caused by some offense that is just too hard to move beyond, and the dreams that were not inspired by God. Clearing out the physical home you live in is important, but it's merely symbolic of the freedom one can gain if they but clean out the home of their heart ... the home of their Savior who desires to dwell there!
Then I had a thought: What am I teaching my children? When we hoard anything -be it books, toys, food, money, or ourselves- we are not living life the way it was intended by God that we should. God never cared about how much a person had, but He was concerned with how much they gave. It's great for my kids to have toys and books, but by accumulating masses of each, I was simply teaching them the art of overindulgence.
Our society has sadly embraced the concept that more is almost enough, and less is just pathetic. However, the old adage "less is more" should really make a comeback. After I finished in their rooms, I went to my own bookshelves and began to clear them out. I saved my reference books and books pertinent to my education and chosen field, as well as those that my husband enjoys or that I have yet to read. I also saved the fiction the I love to read over and over. The rest? Those are on their way to new homes and new people who can enjoy them. I've done this in most every room in my house in the last year, and gotten rid of so many things that I am nearly embarrassed to think about it. But it's an ongoing process because life is an ongoing process.
Part of living abundantly is understanding that the abundant life has an abundant absence of clutter. Part of living with abandon is knowing how to abandon the things that are broken, no longer needed, or just not pertinent to where God wants me. It's time to clean out more than the shelves and toy bins; it's time to clear out the memories of the past that are clung to with bittersweet nostalgia, the emotions of hurt and anger and pride caused by some offense that is just too hard to move beyond, and the dreams that were not inspired by God. Clearing out the physical home you live in is important, but it's merely symbolic of the freedom one can gain if they but clean out the home of their heart ... the home of their Savior who desires to dwell there!
A Life of Minimum Integrity
Yesterday during worship I was so excited to worship God. I had had a thought on our way to church that I know was from the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart. He kept whispering, "To whom much is given, much is required." I've always heard that verse, and figured I understood it. After all, it's fairly simple, right? But I knew God wanted me to understand more. All of the sudden it hit me.
Lately I have been contemplating my past, and not its highlights. God has been walking me back through the dark times, and even had me share my testimony with people I would not normally share parts of it with. It's been somewhat humbling, somewhat overwhelming, and somewhat scary as I think about my children and pray they don't go that way. As I thought about where I started, where I went, and where I've gone since then, it was very clear. To whom much is given, much is required. I have been the recipient of much grace, of much mercy. Therefore, out of the abundance I have received, so must I begin to live abundantly.
I shared an amazing, if abstract, vision that someone wrote (you visit it here) about a month ago. In there is a line that says the army of God gave up a life of minimum integrity long ago. As I was worshiping, God was calling me to worship Him more. I was to worship in proportion for what He had done for me. It was exhausting, because I poured myself out, worshiping with not only all of my heart, but all of my strength. I felt like a Bride dancing with her Beloved! And then He began to whisper in my ear, "There is so much more that I have for you. I have given you much, but it's not all there is. Are you willing to step away from the standard of minimum integrity and embrace the idea of abundant living?"
Wow. I'm not sure I still totally understand what God was asking me. But I've been praying about it, thinking about it, and have captured it in my journal. There are so many things in my life that I do "right." I make sure I give God His time, my family their time, and do my jobs as wife, mom, student, teacher, etc. But apparently there is more. Minimum integrity isn't enough. Doing what is supposed to get done is important, but God wants more from me now. It's not about getting by, it's about having the kind of relationship with God that allows me to fling out my heart with abandon, spinning wildly with arms outstretched and dance in the rain of His grace.
I know this was more of a personal journal entry than a devotion, but I wanted to ask you to contemplate today all that God has given you. Then, ask yourself if you are worshiping Him in a way that reflects how much you love Him and how grateful you are for His love and mercy. Lastly, look at your life. Are you living with minimum integrity, or are you pushing the bar and running toward Him with abandonment today?
Lately I have been contemplating my past, and not its highlights. God has been walking me back through the dark times, and even had me share my testimony with people I would not normally share parts of it with. It's been somewhat humbling, somewhat overwhelming, and somewhat scary as I think about my children and pray they don't go that way. As I thought about where I started, where I went, and where I've gone since then, it was very clear. To whom much is given, much is required. I have been the recipient of much grace, of much mercy. Therefore, out of the abundance I have received, so must I begin to live abundantly.
I shared an amazing, if abstract, vision that someone wrote (you visit it here) about a month ago. In there is a line that says the army of God gave up a life of minimum integrity long ago. As I was worshiping, God was calling me to worship Him more. I was to worship in proportion for what He had done for me. It was exhausting, because I poured myself out, worshiping with not only all of my heart, but all of my strength. I felt like a Bride dancing with her Beloved! And then He began to whisper in my ear, "There is so much more that I have for you. I have given you much, but it's not all there is. Are you willing to step away from the standard of minimum integrity and embrace the idea of abundant living?"
Wow. I'm not sure I still totally understand what God was asking me. But I've been praying about it, thinking about it, and have captured it in my journal. There are so many things in my life that I do "right." I make sure I give God His time, my family their time, and do my jobs as wife, mom, student, teacher, etc. But apparently there is more. Minimum integrity isn't enough. Doing what is supposed to get done is important, but God wants more from me now. It's not about getting by, it's about having the kind of relationship with God that allows me to fling out my heart with abandon, spinning wildly with arms outstretched and dance in the rain of His grace.
I know this was more of a personal journal entry than a devotion, but I wanted to ask you to contemplate today all that God has given you. Then, ask yourself if you are worshiping Him in a way that reflects how much you love Him and how grateful you are for His love and mercy. Lastly, look at your life. Are you living with minimum integrity, or are you pushing the bar and running toward Him with abandonment today?
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